Right to Bear Arms

 Every good southern girl can make cheese straws in her sleep.  Its one of those things that’s ingrained from an early age–like balancing yourself over a public toilet so you don’t catch the virus. 

Unfortunately, I wasn’t raised by a southern mother so a few of life’s lessons slipped through the cracks along the way.  Luckily, I did learn the fine art of balancing…but cheese straws were a different story.

A few years ago, I decided to change that by asking Santa for a cookie press.  By all accounts, I felt I had been at least that good.  Unfortunately, things are just never that simple in my family. 

As it turned out, my mother had a cookie press…er…rather, cookie gun.  I didn’t check the box, but I’m guessing it was circa 1945…back before they discovered the dangers of ingesting lead.  It’s a massive contraption with a sticky trigger.

I’m almost ashamed to say, it’s been in it’s case since I got it.  The thrill of shooting cheese straws across the kitchen lost it’s appeal once I realized I would need to lift weights continuously for six months just to be able to hoist it above my waist.  In fact, I had almost completely forgotten about it until 1) the supreme court lifted the gun ban in DC and 2) a friend from Tennessee requested I make cheese straws as an appetizer for a dinner we both attended this past weekend.

I don’t know who came up with the idea of using a cookie press to make the crazy things, but they should be shot.  I think there’s a better chance I’d be able to give birth through my eye socket.  Needless to say, this took a little engineering

In the end, I settled on cheese wafers…the kind you mold in the barrel of the gun and then hand slice into circles.  I know, I know…my southern card is surely up for grabs…

Thankfully, they didn’t taste half as bad as they looked…

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One Response to Right to Bear Arms

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