Sweet Home Chicago

 (Thought I’d reel you in with a little Blues Brothers)

I had the good fortune of spending three days recently (Memorial Day plus two) in Chicago shamelessly stalking my pro athlete crush, Reed Johnson.  It was divine–with the exception of the Pirates taking the first game in their three game series with the Cubs.

 And yes, I’m talking about baseball again…not those crazy bandits off the coast of Somalia.

As a side note: we were fortunate enough to meet an eye-patched Pirate (ironically answering to the name of Captain Morgan).  I suppose you’d never believe me if I told you he was wandering around handing out 1970’s wrist bands with a harem of three while Mr. T held court at a nearby table and signed autographs in American Flag balloon pants.  Did I mention I love Chicago?????

But back to Reed Johnson.  As it turned out, Reed had a couple of exceptional games while I was nestled under my rain gear in the friendly confines of Wrigley Field.  <sigh>

Before I left, I warned a couple of you of my desire to become “one of those fans” who gets ten seconds of air time on WGN for waving a ridiculous sign professing to bleed Cubbie Blue…or, in my case, “Reed Between the Lines.”

I can tell…this demands a moment of education for my readers:  Reed Johnson has a Major League Baseball blog (that “Reed Between the Lines” thing makes a little more sense now, doesn’t it?).  You didn’t think I had a ridiculous crush on a dumb jock, did you?  Oh no, no, no, no.  And, for the record, it’s a harmless crush–he’s married and is young enough to officially make me a cougar.

Nonetheless….I kept my word and scribbled my best high school bubble letters on a piece of poster board.  I’ll admit, just doing it made me feel like I was taking a walk on the wild side.  (I live such a sheltered life!)

In full disclosure, I almost didn’t wave it.  I’m not sure if it was fear of looking like a complete idiot, or the fear of looking like a complete idiot…but I had a fear of looking like a complete idiot (you get the point).  It wasn’t until he saved the day with a home run that all sense and sensibility escaped me and I unrolled my masterpiece.  This is what he saw:

And no, I didn’t upload the wrong picture.  Thanks to the fact that I had kept my sign neatly rolled in anticipation of waving it at just the right moment, I had somehow managed to build the interest of the man sitting next to me.  So just as Reed Johnson was rounding home plate–and looking straight at me–Mr. Big Head decided his curiosity could no longer be contained.  As luck would have it, he was one of those who has trouble reading something at a distance greater than four inches.

This is my life folks.  All glamour. All the time.

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How Did I Miss This?

 I’ve been following the Carrie Prejean feeding frenzy with great interest. With that said, I was a little surprised to learn I’d missed an interview.  To set the stage:  Maggie Rodriquez, of the Early Show, is questioning Keith Lewis about the Miss California organization’s decision to pay for Carrie’s breast implants:

RODRIGUEZ: But don’t the judges look at proportion when they’re judging the swimsuits? Wouldn’t she have a better chance of winning if she were more proportioned?

LEWIS: Well, of course she does. But there’s plenty of ways of getting to more proportion without doing breast implants.

RODRIGUEZ: Well, but if…

LEWIS: Many of the girls use chicken cutlets.

RODRIGUEZ: … if you have a flat chest, what are you supposed to do?

 LEWIS: You use chicken cutlets. You use tape. You use anything that you can to enhance the line. There’s lots of tricks of the trade.

It’s just a matter of whether or not you want to go to that next level.

Excuse me…chicken cutlets????? I never thought I’d say this…but I think I’m glad I didn’t win the title of Miss East Limestone High School.  I mean, seriously…have you priced a pound of chicken lately????

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Would You Like a Program?

My friend Tom would probably kill me if he knew I was posting this. (Read: All the more reason to post it!). But he’s the kind of person everyone needs in their life–the friend that makes you laugh so hard you fear you might really pee your pants.

He sent this to me today attached to a review of Johnathan Bates’ Soul of the Age–A Biography of the Mind of William Shakespeare :

“I thought about you when I read the following book review yesterday…didn’t you say you were an English major like me? I’m more of a 18th-19thcentury poet fan (Blake, Coleridge, Wordsworth), but I’ve dipped my feet in the Shakespeare pool before. I used to be an usher at the old stage in the Folger Library before they built the new fancy one. I did it so I could see plays for free. I’d take girls there on dates to see a play, and then surprise them with the fact that they had to hand out programs for the first fifteen minutes…and we usually couldn’t sit together. Oh…the things we could get away with when we were young and brash!”

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