Do You Smell Smoke?

In the world of S. Janzen, it’s good to have a backup plan.

After a month or two of procrastinating, I finally made my way back to the gym.  I had almost forgotten how much I enjoy it…and how hungry I am an hour afterwards.

We’re burning calories for a reason, right?  Right.  And that would be to compensate for the 3 PM urge to eat everything in sight.

Going to the gym has a funny effect on me.  After 30 minutes on the treadmill, I become a superhero of nutrition–which is why I chose the weight watchers popcorn in the office vending machine when today’s three o’clock urge kicked in.

It seemed harmless enough.  I even vaguely remember having read an article 15 years or so years ago that heralded popcorn as a diet food.  Of course, that was back when eggs were still bad for you.

Because I’m a good employee, I decided I should microwave it in the second floor kitchen–instead of letting the smell of melted butter waft through the 12th floor.  I thought my co-workers would appreciate the consideration.

Unfortunately, I won’t be making an appearance on the 2nd floor again any time soon.  And, if you see the Fire Marshall, do me a favor and don’t mention my name.

I don’t remember precisely when I learned to cook microwave popcorn.  But I do remember someone, more than likely my mother, telling me to count seconds between pops…and if you were able to count three seconds without a pop, it was good to go.  Of course, once it’s cooking I never remember the three second rule–it always seems like it should be ten.  Ten is such a solid number.

It’s three.  At ten, smoke pours from the microwave–while the door is closed.  And that begs the question…why did I think opening the door would be a good thing?  In a matter of seconds the kitchen was filled with smoke.  It looked like I had torched a cornfield–which was almost fitting considering I had that Children of the Corn look on my face. 

 In perhaps my only moment of clarity, I recalled the relationship between fire and water–which sent me running to the sink with my blazing bag o’ nutrition.

You probably won’t believe me when I tell you that it continued to smoke once it was water logged…and it continued to smoke once I threw it (water logged) into the trash bin, and it even continued to smoke as I dug around in my purse for .85 to buy a bag of M&M’s–because gosh darnit that’s what I really went down there for anyway.  But it’s true.

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